Dumbledore is evil! Ron and Hagrid are dark wizards! Snape's Harry's father!

who would win in a fight godrick gryffindor salazar slytherin helga hufflepuff or roana ravenclaw well definitely not roana ravenclaw i think helga no the gray lady got killed by the gray lady is not roana ravenclaw it's her daughter i mean come on like mother like daughter salazar slytherin he's got a freaking basilisk griffindor has a sword oh who cares he's a champion duelist. So it is known to kill that basilisk though. That is true. Oh no. You poked a giant hole in my theory. And in your basilisk. Oh no. Okay so we all agree Helga Hufflepuff would win right? Oh yeah. I know nothing about her so I can't argue against that. Hey yeah today we're talking about the best movie in the Harry Potter series as I'm sure everyone would agree. I mean I think everyone here agrees. We're talking about Harry Potter 2, The Chamber of Secrets, directed by Chris Columbus again. And written by Steve Close.

Just a little reminder, this is all part of our big 20-year anniversary Harry Potter celebration. We're covering some of the biggest and probably like most shocking theories in Harry Potter, including that possibly Ron cast the Imperious Curse on Hermione. Hagrid may or may not have been a Death Eater. Dumbledore also might have been a Death Eater or maybe just evil, some kind of dark wizard. Yeah, I don't think he's a Death Eater or necessarily on Voldemort's side, but he was a dark wizard. He's just another dark wizard, yeah. The most important theory of all, though, that Snape is Harry's father. Those are the theories we're going over today. Snape is Harry's father. And today, we're covering Harry Potter 2, The Chamber of Secrets. Of course, based on the book, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, written by J.K. Rowling. Or, is it Rowling? I don't remember. All right, whatever. I looked it up last time.

She can correct us when we get her on. So I think all of us think this is the most entertaining, probably the best Harry Potter movie. One criticism I often hear levied against this movie and this book is that people say that it is the least important to the plot, that you could basically lift it out and it doesn't matter. And I wanted to get your thoughts on that, Leif. No. It's one of the most important ones in the series. absolute opposite exactly this movie introduces horcruxes it introduces voldemort like we didn't even see voldemort in the first movie it's just like a scab on the back of someone's head now we actually meet tom riddle we learn about his past we learn about hagrid's past we learn about dumbledore's past yeah oh my gosh the movie that you can 100 lift out is harry potter three harry potter three right like the only important thing that happens is wormtail goes back to the dark

lord he could have done that at any point for any reason anytime like i guess i can't believe that voldemort is not more angry at wormtail like that's all voldemort needed to come back was wormtail that's all he needed my favorite opening to any harry potter book or any harry potter movie you know it starts basically with uh harry potter he he's like he's a psychopath he's very disturbed um he goes crazy just like throwing cakes at people right yeah and that that is one theory that you could take from at least the first two movies is that it's all in Harry's head. The popcorn isn't real. He is there disturbed. They keep him locked up for a reason. Yeah, there disturbed son. Drops cakes on people's heads, just keeps slamming the closet in his door upstairs just so he wants attention. He's slamming it over and over. After Vernon expressly told him to be quiet. Meeting new people really upsets him.

Sometimes starts hitting himself with things. screaming about it bad harry i think there's a friend named dobby not really friend is just personality manifesting itself a self-abusive and abusive of other people non-friend who is imaginary named dobby in in in reality in the reality of the books and movies i i do love the opening to harry potter i think it establishes a really fun mystery right off the bat you're like who's dobby what's he doing here how powerful is dobby you know he seems to work for someone even more powerful but and yet he can do anything he wants and like it's kind of cool the way they establish that you think it's going to pay off but it kind of just doesn't like turns out how it's also just really powerful for no reason they're just like you all should feel happy for dobby because he's free now he's cute when you're like he's not nice he's a psychopath he's so terrible in this movie right now i i thought there would be more to dobby and i thought that he might

turn out to be like a villain or something he never did but i do like the mystery for most people something a theme here coming at this from like you know as a kid i read the first book and i was waiting for the second book to come out with like bated breath right i was so excited and the opening of the second book is like harry potter must not return to hogwarts no he has to go back to Hogwarts that's his thing Hogwarts is my home it's a fun opening it's really cool he has to dissociate back to the fantasy land of Hogwarts so he can't deal with the stress he has explicitly said that theory is not true no but it's cool because then like Vernon like locks him up in the books they go a lot deeper into describing how much he like locks down the house like he he buys bars not just for the windows but also for the doors how's Harry gonna get back to Hogwarts. And then out of nowhere, the Weasleys come in with this flying car and rip half of the

house off. That just got my blood pumping as a kid. I was like, oh my gosh, they're busting him out of Fort Knox. This is so cool. He and Petunia know that by letting Harry leave, they are incurring more wrath from the dark wizard Dumbledore, which is points for the Dumbledore theory that Harry could go live with the Weasleys if not for Dumbledore. Dumbledore is the entire reason And he has to keep going back to the Dursleys every single year. Dumbledore is like, go back and live with the Dursleys. This is true. I get it. So they're keeping him here for their own safety. They're like, no, you're not leaving our house. That evil wizard put you here and he'll kill us if we let you leave. He sends them a howler when they finally kick him out of the house. That's true. You're right. But you do have to point out while saying all that, that although Harry could go live with the Weasleys and I think that would be a better solution.

The reason that Dumbledore doesn't allow it is because by living with someone who's blood related to him harry can continue the magic of love that lily cast on him over death that protects him from voldemort oh you're right i forgot about that that's true there is an in universe reason that is the in-universe explanation for why dumbledore thinks harry needs to live with the dursleys right because surrey is so safe for harry it's not like he encounters some life threatening thing every the beginning of every book and it's also worth noticing that specifically the reason he needed the blood of the enemy unwillingly taken or whatever was to break that spell that lily cast and he says that it did i can touch you now and yeah after the fifth in the fifth book and on he still is yeah with the dursleys dumbledore is just torturing him because he likes torturing harry yeah and harry loves it harry's so loyal to dumbledore as we

will see in this movie he's dumbledore's man through and through well first you you did want to talk about the Weasleys. Let's talk about the Weasleys. I'm just going to say, I believe that Ron, he takes a lot after his mother, Molly, who I think is kind of a bad person. Yeah. Not only is she okay with them kidnapping Harry, we know how she constantly is like, does this weird abusive hot and cold thing where she berates her kids, but then just showers love and affection on Harry. I don't think it's because she likes Harry. I think it's to punish her kids. It's good to put them in their place. She's like, yeah, you see, you see what I'm doing here? I think both of those reasonings are a little tenuous. First of all, the reason she doesn't care that they kidnapped Harry is because Ron keeps her updated on how the Dursleys abuse him, so she's happy to have him there. Second of all, as a child, I frequently had friends who I would go visit and their parents

would act like that, where they'd be pretty harsh on their own kids and then be really nice to me because I'm the guest and it's easier to be nice to a guest. But then, so they use flue powder to travel to Diagon Alley. Harry goes through the fireplace and they know he went to Nocturne Alley, but they don't care. She says, oh, I hoped that you just went one gate too far, which she would know is Nocturne Alley, which is a bad place, as we'll definitely get into. But, like, she's just lining up to get a signature or whatever, an autograph from Gilderoy Lockhart. Come on. Yeah, she's a very big fan. Nothing's more important than that. And she doesn't care. Like, I think this is evidence against what Brita just said, that she doesn't care about Harry himself. It's just to punish her kids. She doesn't care that he ended up in Nocturne Alley. He's getting abused by weird witches who are like, come here, darling.

So I want to talk about flu powder. Everything about flu powder and how it works is based entirely on voice recognition, with no security measures in place to stop you from traveling to any chimney anywhere in the world. And not the kind of voice recognition that determines who you are. No, no, just understands the words you say or doesn't understand them. Siri, it's like if instead of driving places, you said, hey, Siri, take me to whatever place I want to go and just hope that she knew what place you're talking about. Why would anyone use blue powder when we've got so many other means of transportation? The other means of transportation are worth talking about because most of them can't be used by children. Specifically, apparition can't be used by children, right? That's we know that you can't do that until I think you're 17. And that causes a lot of problems. And also wizards don't seem to use brooms for actual transportation.

They seem to use them almost exclusively for Quidditch. There's port keys, but port keys, I think, are arguably even more dangerous than the flu network. Like you just have to grab on and let go at a random time. And also you have to spell it specifically to take people to a specific place at a specific time. And like, I think you can have reusable port keys, but it's a whole mess. So I don't I think the flu network does suck, but I think it's better than most of those. OK, so last thing about flu powder, is Santa Claus a wizard? I think that's addressed in universe. Like, I think they talk about Santa Claus. You're a wizard, Santa. But I don't remember the detail. No, there's a pretty cool theory that Santa Claus is a wizard, that he uses flu powder to get into every house, that he uses magic to, you know, accio all the presents to him. I mean, everyone loves it when Santa shows up in their cool fantasy, like especially in the Narnia movie.

Yeah, Santa! Here's some weapons, kids. These are the only ways to travel, and if wizards can't apparate when they're younger, and if wizards canonically don't use toilets, how do children apparate their droppings away? I don't know that they canonically don't use toilets. They have lots of toilets. They just use them to get into the ministry. According to J.K. Rowling, Hogwarts plumbing became more elaborate in the 18th century. this is a rare instance of wizards copying muggles because hitherto they simply relieved themselves wherever they stood and vanished the evidence that's what jk rowling said seems unlikely well i know it's crazy and especially when you factor in the fact that slitherin built his secret lab underneath the toilet even though he came from a time before they used toilets yeah they came from 900 ad i think right yeah i don't know when the wizard operating at 17 rule started

So maybe children didn't used to know how to aparate their poop away. Good point. It's great, but like kids just keep getting splinched all over the place when they're trying to aparate their poop away. Oh, no. We should probably just, what do the muggles use? Oh, yeah, those look safer. And I think Salazar Slytherin wants to use those, but we forgot about it. Wait, Salazar Slytherin, he didn't know it was a toilet. That's why it doesn't work. He's like, this must be some kind of a door, right? I'll use this as a door. Technically, it's under the sink, not the toilet. The toilet never worked, though. I mean, it's because he didn't know what it was supposed to do. That's true. Okay, so Harry ends up in Nocturne Alley. To support the bad Hagrid theory, Hagrid shows up and then berates Harry for skulking around Nocturne Alley. Dodgy place. Don't want no one to see you there. I mean, he's clearly projecting.

And not only that, before he said that, he knocks the tray out of the hands of the witch who's being weird to Harry, and he grabs Harry by the scruff of his neck and, like, drags him away. Like, it's not, like, a very protective, like, oh, it's okay, Harry. Because he doesn't want Harry to see what he was doing in that alley. Exactly. Yeah, and his excuse for being in that alley. Is total BS. Yeah, right. He says, I was lost. Hang on. What were you doing here? I was looking for flesh-eating slug repellent. They're ruining all the slug cabbages. That might have been useful later on when Ron is coughing up flesh-eating slugs. And he does not have it. And his only thing he's got is a freaking bucket to spit in. He had a flesh-eating slug repellent. I mean, maybe it doesn't work once it's inside you. To be fair, yeah, I wouldn't want to put flesh-eating slug repellent down my throat. I don't think those slugs are flesh-eating.

But regardless, first of all, this seems like a common enough product that I don't understand why the only place it's being sold is in Nocturne Alley. Flesh-eating slugs sound pretty bad. Where people think you're up to no good. Unless you can only get flesh-eating slugs through dodgy means and people really think you're weird but here's the next thing so he said it's like a sexually transmitted disease school cabbages like an innuendo oh my gosh oh man we just poked holes in our own theory uh but to assume it's not an innuendo uh he says he needs it for the school cabbages something we never hear about again but later in the book they talk about him using it to keep the baby mandrakes safe so as it turns out there was a use for the flush-eating slug repellent but not the one that hagrid said so i honestly don't think he was getting flush-eating slug repellent at that time or at that place he just like you said made up an

excuse for harry professor sprout probably has some why does she need to rely on hagrid to go get some from nocturne alley it's his job to get things for the grounds eric by which i mean plants So Harry safely escapes both Nocturnally and the evil Hagrid and makes his way to Flourish and Blotts, where Hermione is incredibly happy to see him. Unlike everyone else, she was actually rightfully worried. In the book, when Gilderoy gives Harry all his books, Harry gives them all to Ginny, like he dumps them in her cauldron and says he'll buy his own because he's rich. In the movie, Molly greedily steals them, saying, you give me those, I'll get them signed. Yeah, I liked that detail in the book. I thought it was one of the few times where he showed any recognition at all that his best friend's family is insanely poor and he's a millionaire, right? Like he lets them take care of him and buy him things and do things for him all the time

and never in any way repays them. In the movie, Molly's just too excited about her favorite star being there and has to go get them signed. Harry Potter, he's leaving and he runs into Malfoy. Malfoy rips a page out of a book and shoves it into his cloak. What page is this, and from what book, and why did they include that? Like, is this a show that he's a bad boy ripping pages out of books? I think that is why. I think he's like Sky Parkins from Hogwarts Mystery. Oh, he probably is. In Hogwarts Mystery, there's a character who when she studies, she rips out the pages of the book that she'll need. And if you leave it on that scene of the game, she'll just rip out pages forever. Oh, man. I gotta download that game and find this. Her reasoning for this is because she travels light. She's such a good quidditch player. She's so full of pages. But no, back to Torvald's question. I don't think there is a book or movie explanation for that scene.

There is a fan theory explanation for that scene, which is that later in this movie, we do encounter a page that has been torn out of a book. Do you remember what it is? It's the page with the information on the basilisk that Harry takes out of Hermione's hand. so yeah there is a fan theory that says oh my gosh like Hermione would never tear a page out of a book Hermione loves you're right and so yeah there's a fan theory that he knew about the basilisk and was actually trying to help them secretly the whole time and he would know he would have known about the basilisk his dad was the one who set this in motion so yes that he tore that that page out to give them that hint later and that he was the one who gave that page to Hermione perhaps without her knowing dude it's not to show that he's a bad boy it's to show that He's a good boy. I don't think Draco's necessarily good, but I'm thinking, you know, he's not so bad.

So he comes down the stairs. He's like, bet you love that Potter. Famous Harry Potter. I love Draco. Can't even go to a bookshop without making the front page. And then Ginny's all like, leave him alone. And then Lucius shows up. And then after they talk to Lucius, he goes up to Harry. He says, see you at school. That would almost be a nice thing to say, right? See you at school, man. Bye. You know? He doesn't have friends except for Crabbe and Goyle. So he doesn't know how to interact with people in a non-intimidating manner. Grav and Goyle don't even like him. They're complete idiots. He thinks nothing of them. Like, he doesn't even think they can read. I think he is correct. Like, he's not being rude there. You mentioned that Lucius shows up. Oh, my gosh. Lucius is so good here. I love that. Excellent casting. This whole conversation, the shot of him suddenly pulling Harry closer out of nowhere as the camera Dutch angles.

And he brushes Harry back with his staff, which is a snake. And also his wand. Oh my gosh. And the film does get the detail right that Ginny is carrying a cauldron, even if Harry doesn't get to put all his books in there. And that's so Lucius can give her the diary. Lucius's plan really depended on a lot of happenstance. I hope someone starts writing in this thing. That's a better plan than Wormtail's plan, which was nothing. Never go back. Be a rat for the rest of your life. So, platform nine and three quarters. They have to steal a car because the platform won't let them in. I gotta say, even if Harry and Ron had made it through, they would never have been able to catch that train. Because it is exactly 11 o'clock, mere seconds after they crashed into the wall. The train's already leaving. I don't even know how Ginny caught the train. It's worth noting in this scene that any reasonable person is like, why did they steal the car?

Like they could have just waited there. Like it's a really dumb thing to do. It's not like they were just going to be there for the rest of their lives. But their children, they're panicking. And Ron says, if we can't get through, what if mom and dad can't get back? Now, I still think that's not a good enough reason to go steal a car and just go to school. Has this kid never been left alone in his life? Apparently not. I guess maybe not because he has like six siblings. So maybe he's never been alone. And he's like, mom and dad will never return. Now, you actually have to look at what kind of person Ron is. I think that he is alone a lot because none of his other siblings really like him. Ginny doesn't like him. She rarely hangs out with him. The twins are the closest in age to him. And yeah, they just bully him. He barely knows Percy or Charlie or Bill. Yeah, that's true. His only friend is his rat.

His rat who is a criminal, which is why his first thought is steal the car. Because his mentor is a rat. So are you implying he actually talks to this rat and the rat talks back? I believe, as will become apparent more when we talk about the third movie, that Ron knows that Scabbers is a criminal. He might not know the full extent. I believe Scabbers is the one who teaches him the imperious curse, which I think he uses in the third movie. I can actually buy that. But I think that having a mentor rat who is a criminal is probably why he thinks steal car. All right. Well, just to paint a picture of how absurd this is, I want to walk through Ron's thought process. Because first, Harry says, maybe we should just go wait by the car, which is a completely reasonable course of action if you can't find your parents. And it's interesting because Harry has no parents. Like, he shouldn't know how to do stuff like this.

I mean, he probably lost the Dursleys a lot and had to learn how to... Yeah, but they didn't care about him. Well, I was thinking more like they lost him and he had to like, okay, I'll go wait by the car so they don't leave without me. Either way, Ron apparently is like, wait a minute, I've got a better idea. How about we steal the car, stranding my parents here and driving across the cabin for no reason at all without licenses and without knowing how to drive. Yeah. And then Harry's just like, well, OK, Ron, if you think that's a good idea. That is Harry's attitude when talking to anyone is just, well, OK. OK. Do whatever he says. If you say so. Yeah, and that's canonically true for the first four books as well. Shouldn't this whole escapade, this whole fiasco, get them arrested for misuse of muggle artifacts? It absolutely should. Which is his dad's department. Yeah. But his dad can let them off.

His dad hunts down wizards who misuse muggle artifacts. As Molly says in The Howler, the dad is facing an inquisition in the ministry and it's entirely their fault. Yeah, because they're a corrupt family and the dad gets him a slap on the wrist. It's true. But also, like, I'm pretty sure him even having that car is misuse of magical artifacts. I think he got it from some investigation and just kept it, but he wasn't supposed to keep it. The implication is that Ron's dad is the one who ends up taking the blame for this, probably with good reason. And that's why they just get a slap on the wrist. But also, we can talk about their slap on the wrist. When Snape talks to Harry and Ron after they steal the car, he doesn't seem angry. Alan Rickman plays this with such concern in his voice and on his face. like a concerned father who's just trying to discipline his child i thought he seemed a little

angry well right but like your child just like a dad yeah listen to how he says he says you were seen by no less than seven muggles do you have any idea how serious this is you know it's just like a dad would talk to their kid they play him as if like oh he's this cruel villain that harry hates when it's like he's being perfectly reasonable in this scene like what they did is crazy and then mcgonagall comes in gives him just a slap on the wrist he's just like detention that's all you get for joy riding and stealing a car detention is also the punishment for going to visit the groundskeeper at night those two things are equivalent it's true so they are in sprouts herbology class and they are learning to pull the mandrakes out now she says the mandrakes are just seedlings those are her words then she proceeds to pull out the most massive root I have ever seen. And it's screaming and alive.

It's a baby. How big do these mandrakes get? I think they get fully human-sized. So that's my theory. They become humans. They grow to full human size. They are fully sentient and sapient. And they get chopped up. And stewed. Listen, we know that wizards don't really care a lot about other types of creatures and beings aside from wizards and don't have a lot of laws to protect their rights. So I think you're right. Draco Malfoy. Why would he put his finger in the angry Mandrake's mouth? Yeah, I don't know why he did that. But man, he is pissed at that Mandrake. You gotta love this perfect face. He's like, oh, he's so mad. I mean, I think that just goes to show Draco's just like a young child, right? Like, he's just like, oh, what's this? And then gets bitten. He's like, how? He does that later when he's like, picks up a random present. So the mudblood scene is next. The directing in the mudblood scene is so weird.

And it's not what I would have done after reading the book. Like everything is just slow paced and strange. Hermione delivers her line. And then Malfoy kind of just slowly walks up to her and delivers his line. No one asked for your opinion, you filthy little mudblood. And then there's two silent shots of Draco and Hermione just glaring at each other. And then Ron slowly pulls out his wand and says, you'll pay for that one, Malfoy. In the book, it was like an instant reaction. It was like, no one asked your opinion, you filthy little mudblood. And then everyone was just like, whoa, like, oh, man, man. And then Ron pulls out his wand right away. It's like, you'll pay for that one. You know, like this one, like, we don't even see how anyone else react. How does Wood react? You know, all the Quidditch players are there. Yeah, like he just used essentially a racial slur that's pretty negative in the wizard world.

And like people don't even like respond right away. First, we get the shot of him and Hermione just kind of glaring at each other. And then Ron's like, well, I guess I better say something. And I'll also say it makes more sense in where with him doing is just like a knee jerk reaction, like and not thinking about it. Whereas like when he very slowly pulls out his wand and it's like, you'll pay for that. You can see his wand is broken. Like it gives you plenty of time to be like, maybe you shouldn't cast that spell. Then he does and it backfires. Why does Hermione know what mudblood means? Plot convenience. I mean, in the book, it was Ron. They thought maybe it would be more emotional if she's the one who says it. If she was actually hurt by it. Because in the book, she wasn't hurt at all. She's just like, what? Yeah, and I think also it makes it harder for Ron to explain after he cursed himself

because he's puking a lot. So I think they were just like, have Hermione explain. That's the best explanation I've ever heard for this. You're right, Rita. That's true.

Because all Ron can say is, it's disgusting, which could be referring to his own, you know, maladies he's afflicted with.

And Hagrid, I just want to point out, small point for bad Hagrid. That's where we're going next, is they run away from there. Hermione and Harry just shuffle Ron off, take him to Hagrid's hut. Hagrid will know what to do. Not sure why. Probably should have taken him to Madame Pomfrey. He's got a bucket. Yeah. Good old Bucket Hagrid, that's what we call him. So, yeah, they take him to Hagrid and he says, this calls for specialized equipment and hands Ron a bucket. The man who was shopping in Nocturn Alley for flesh eating slug repellent. His specialized equipment is a bucket. And he tells Ron nothing to do for it, but just like wait it out. So honestly, they shouldn't have gone to Hagrid, obviously. But then the next thing, Hermione explains what mudblood means and stuff. And then Hagrid's going to comfort her. And he tells her after she's upset by it, he says, you know, don't you think on it for a minute.

His method of comforting her is forget about it. Think about it for one minute. And then he does also, he gives her a compliment, right? He says, they haven't invented a spell on Hermione can't do. And then don't you think on it, don't you think on it for a minute. Says the expelled student who should not be casting spells. He's actually very powerful to cast many spells. But yeah, and I just think that like you said, it's a very token comfort gesture. just like, you're great, and then moving on, right? And I think a lot of people would be like, oh, well, this is evidence that he likes her even though she is a mudblood and Death Eaters don't. Oh, my God. Death Eaters. He's saying you're great in spite of the fact that you're a mudblood. No, I was just saying it's a token gesture. He doesn't even feel that way. Like, he doesn't care at all. For a mudblood, it's crazy you can cast all these spells.

You're almost as powerful as me. You should feel good for yourself, mudblood.

Just don't let the fact that you're a mudblood hold you back, Hermione. Just accept it. Yeah, if you get strong enough, Voldemort might even let you live.

We kind of glossed over it before. Gilderloid Lockhart is so good. He is a great actor and a great character. He is perfect. and when i read the books this is exactly how i pictured him they could not have picked a better gilderloy locker he is order of merlin third class honorary member of the dark force defense league and five times winner of which weekly's most charming smile award this movie tries to paint him as some kind of like a coward or a loser for only bringing pixies into the classroom to you know teach these kids how to handle dangerous animals seems to think they're pretty lame he's like Cornish pixies. What was he supposed to do? It's a classroom. Was he supposed to expose these kids to dementors or poltergeists like some other crazy teacher might do? Yeah I think more than calling him a coward for bringing pixies the problem is that he unleashes them on the students does nothing to stop them and then runs away because he's the running away teacher. Nip the

rest of them back into their cage. Hermione's immobulus spell is freaking powerful. That's Because she's so powerful that she impressed even Hagrid. Pretty good for a mudblood. Holy crap. For a mudblood, she can really do some magic. Yeah, no, she's a very powerful witch. Is it okay to say mudblood so much? No. Yes, it's okay. No, but I have to ask, why did Dumbledore hire Gilderloy Lockhart? I have no idea. Why did he sacrifice the children's education and safety for the fame of the school, basically? He just wants a celebrity teacher is what it seems like to me. Well, I think that's just another point for evil Dumbledore theory. Like, he is always the one who hires the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, who ends up going bad. Yeah, and honestly, like, there's a rumor around the school that there's a curse on the dark arts position, and they're almost certainly gays. No, Dumbledore is the curse on that position.

Well, maybe, but, like, people have said that Tom Riddle cursed it after he was not given the position. I think that's probably true, and he does nothing to try to break that curse. And maybe Dumbledore was dumb and was taken in by his lies and was just like, yeah, this guy is like, he hunted all the vampires and did all these great things. Yeah, of course he'd be a great defense against the dark arts teacher. Points for Gilderay Lockhart. It kind of seems like he does not know that he is a fraud. If he knew that he was a scam artist, why would he try pesky pixie pesternomy? Why would he try Rakium Amendo on the arm? Like, he seems to think he actually is as good as he says. It doesn't make a lot of sense. I think the implication is supposed to be that he's just such a show off, right? That he wants the attention so bad that he's like, I know the spell, I can do it. And then he tries and he's like, oh, crap, I forgot I'm a terrible wizard.

He comes off as sort of a pompous and clumsy, stupid wizard who thinks he's cool. But he tries. He does not come off as an ingenious con artist who goes around stealing people's memories and stories. Yeah. So I've got a theory about why Lockhart decided to purposefully disappear the bones in Harry's arm. Okay. He did it on purpose because he knows that Harry's family invented the Skelligro potion. So he wants Harry's family to get a little bit of fame. That's for some reason. What if the great-great-great-grandson of the inventor of Skelligro re-grew his own arm with Skelligro? I'm not going to tell anyone about this or like... He's like, I'll get Harry in the papers here. he doesn't get harry in the papers but you gotta understand he's a novelist what novelist calls up rita skeeter and is like hey do a story on this thing that i'm gonna write a novel about later so he's gonna include it in his novel he's setting it up you're working at hogwarts he's like the

the time when the great great grandson of the inventor of skelegro got his skeleton was saved by his grandfather how is he going to incorporate like how did harry lose his bones in that story unless he's gonna say because i was incompetent they got ground up by that bludger so much they were just gone it was a quidditch that bludger destroyed his phone and they're weird that's true quidditch accidents do happen which is what most people seem to think during quidditch like when the bludger was cursed in the first year only snape cared everyone else is like huh that's kind of weird but it's quidditch it's a real bludger the next scene that i'd like to talk about is detention with gilderoy lockhart gilderoy lockhart is giving him legitimately good advice here and being a good teacher he's saying don't screw up like this and steal cards you got out of it because you're famous but fame will go away like that's what he's telling harry right and then harry gets

all psychotic and it's like did you hear that it's going to kill he's like oh maybe you should go I don't think he said it's going to kill to Lockhart. I think he just said that to her on their mind. You want to talk about the scene where they discover the cat? Mrs. Norris is hung up. She is petrified, apparently. Filch is threatening Harry Potter, like threatening to kill him. And I love Filch.

Filch is great. He's the perfect casting. And also Mrs. Norris is perfect casting. It's a good cat. Mrs. Norris, she's beautiful. So when this is happening and someone is threatening to kill Harry Potter, Snape defends him, saying perhaps Potter and his friends were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Then he does go on to note a few inconsistencies, as any caring father would, but we'll gloss over those. I don't even think you need to gloss over them. It kind of seems like he's trying to paint them as bad guys here. No, I think this works because, like, legitimately he is trying to defend Harry Potter. He doesn't believe Harry killed this cat because why would Harry have killed this cat, right? There's no reason. And I think Snape doesn't think he's like a psychopath. And so he's just like, listen, maybe they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Where actually were you, Harry? Right? Like you weren't at dinner. So where were you? Like, give us your alibi.

Do you have any idea what time it is, young man? Where have you been? exactly so mcgonagall tells them the story that light wizards wouldn't tell you the story of darth slither and the wise yes um how he he built a hidden chamber under the castle and sealed it until that time when his own true heir returned to the school so my question here is what and why i think the reason why is as she said first of all i love when she introduces them all and she's It's like Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Helga Hufflepuff, and Salazar Slytherin. Slytherin. So clearly like Slytherin. But anyway. I mean, it's kind of like if you were naming the founding fathers and it was like George Washington, Ben Fragrin, Thomas Jefferson, and Hitler. And Adolf Hitler. I mean, it's true. Yeah. But then maybe they should have changed the name of that house. I got sorted into Hitler House. Like, no. But anyway, so she says that they differed over who should be admitted to the school.

He thought only so-called pureblood wizards should be admitted. And the other three founders disagreed. So he sealed up this basilisk to apparently murder all the halfbloods and mudbloods until his heir came. So presumably he was just like, look, they're not ready for this yet. But a day will come when they're like, yeah, it's time to just be pureblood. And that's when my great-great-grandson's going to come and unleash the basilisk to purge the school. Well, I also think for Salazar, it was, you know, I don't know how evil he was. He was clearly pretty evil. But it was probably easy for him to be like, eh, I don't know if I want to get arrested for murder. But maybe one of my ancestors would. So you're saying he wants children to be murdered. He just doesn't want to murder them. I assumed that it's a blood relationship that allows you to enter the Chamber of Secrets, but apparently not.

No, it is not. It technically seems to just mean that anyone who can speak Parseltongue is the true heir of Slytherin. That is correct. I mean, they specifically say it's a very rare gift, even in the wizarding world. So I think the assumption... I think security is just very bad in the wizarding world. Right, but like this was in the 900 AD. Like in 900 AD, if you had a family-specific trait that it's like outside of our family, people can't do this. With inside our family, people can. Then it makes sense to use that family trait to get into a room. And also, that's true. But even beyond that, Salazar Slytherin's goal is only, I want someone who can control a basilisk. Who is someone who speaks Parseltongue? So that's the only requirement. Well, maybe it's all wrong. Maybe the legend got twisted. Really, he caught the basilisk that was terrorizing kids. And he put it somewhere where it's safe.

He's like, holy crap, only someone who speaks Parseltongue can control this freaking thing. So I got to put it behind a door that only opens if you can speak Parseltongue. I was going to say, why didn't he kill it? But we know that he loves snakes. Well, because he's not going to go to Godric Gryffindor and be like, dude, can I use your sword? I'm really loyal to you.

He's like, no, no, I'll save my pride. I'll just imprison it in this weird bath. No one uses bathrooms. They just apparate away their poop. This useless room here would be good for Vasilis. No one's going to come in here. Do they ever explain controlling the basilisk? Because I know Tom says, like, even though you speak Parseltongue, you can't control it now. Well, see, my theory, and I don't know if they ever explicitly state this, is whoever talks to the basilisk first gets to control it. That was kind of my guess as well. Yeah, if Harry had gotten to it first, he would have been the one controlling it. And it would have been like, love and be friendly. I'm like, love, hug. That could also be dangerous. When Colin Creevey is petrified, McGonagall suggests that he might have taken a picture of his attacker. Now, this is points for the evil Dumbledore theory. Dumbledore takes the camera, winds it a tiny bit, but then just opens it.

And then it destroys all the film. And the film is destroyed. He clearly did not wind it enough to not destroy the film. Now, he implies that, you know, the Basilisk destroyed it. Yeah, Basilisk did it. Now, this is exactly what any muggle would expect to happen when you open up a camera. Well, apparently wizards do use that kind of camera. Wizards use cameras. Cameras are not unknown to wizards. He's trying to hide the identity of the Slytherin heir, who he believes is Hagrid. This is my theory for this whole episode. I should have said this at the beginning. I believe that Hagrid is actually the heir of Slytherin. He was then, and he is now. And I think that Dumbledore knows this. Dumbledore is cool with it, and Dumbledore keeps Hagrid around. Not because Dumbledore is necessarily, like, I don't believe he's in league with Voldemort, but he is a dark wizard himself, and he likes having other dark wizards around, like Hagrid.

Well, and Hagrid's loyal to him. That's the theme of this movie, is that if you are loyal to Dumbledore, he will take care of you. Although he will also offer you, like, a lamb to the slaughter. You'll do that, too. So, Dobby, really, he just wanted to murder Harry, didn't he? that bludger is out for blood it's it's gonna it's gonna kill harry it's not gonna stop it's going to i don't know how you grind his bones into dust after he's dead it's gonna keep pounding him into the ground i don't know how you get to the end of this movie seeing all the evidence and you're like oh yeah dobby was a good guy like look at the evidence the slave of lucius malfoy who wants to kill harry is trying to kill is trying to kill harry yeah exactly over and over That's what I got out of it. He's been asked by Lucius to kill Harry. And that's why whenever Harry asks him anything, he gets all cagey and can't say and starts beating himself.

At the very end, when Lucius loses his assassin, what does he do? He tries to cast Avada Kedavra. He's like, well, I guess I got to do it myself. In the script I read, he didn't specifically try to cast Avada Kedavra. I think it's an excellent choice of that actor. They're like, I'm just going to murder this child in Hogwarts, outside Dumbledore's door. Right? Like, Dumbledore is ten feet away. You know, sometimes you just got to do what you got to do. So, speaking of Dobby, he visits Harry in the hospital wing while he is skelegrowing his arm back. This basilisk doesn't really manage to kill anyone in this entire movie. They're all saved by random things like one of the aliens. seeing the reflection of it is enough to save your life. Also, a window is enough to save your life. Like, if you see the basilisk gaze through a window, it won't kill you. Because Colin Creevey saw it through the viewfinder of his camera,

which is a thin square of glass that was enough to save him. So my question is, does this mean that Harry Potter is the only person in this school and Dumbledore are actually just wearing anti-basilisk devices on their faces in the form of eyeglasses? That's why witches and wizards haven't gotten an eye healing spell yet. They're like, I was used to glasses. The basilisk are coming. We gotta put our glasses on. Yeah. Like, seriously, all Dumbledore needed to do is just say, okay, every student wear glasses now. Like, that would have protected everyone. Supposedly, they didn't know it was a basilisk yet, right? Like, they didn't know what was going on. People are just randomly getting petrified. They didn't even know that people were in danger of dying from it. But I will say, like, it's unbelievable that they didn't close this school down sooner. Right? Like, someone literally wrote on the walls, like, I'm going to kill a bunch of students.

And then people started getting petrified, and they were just like, I guess we'll wait and see what happens. They are very lucky no students got killed. And also, very lucky that last time only one student got killed. The dueling scene. So, this is a cool scene, and of course, Snape just mops the floor with Gilderoy Lockhart, even though it was pretty easy to see what he was going to do. Oh, yeah. Because they were disarming only. It was pretty easy to know what he was going to do. Yeah, that's true. There's only one disarm spell that we know of. In the dueling scene, it is Snape who suggests, first, we should teach the students how to block unfriendly spells. Yes. Which, I have to say. He is totally trying to protect Terry. Yes, he's totally. And also, this would be a very useful skill to learn. That they never, ever teach to them. Like, the adults do know how to block spells, and the kids don't.

Yep, Snape doesn't. Why don't they learn that in defense against the Dark Arts? It's just Protego. That's all it is. No, no, no, no. We can't teach the kids that. I love that scene because, yeah, he says, perhaps it would be prudent to first teach the students to block unfriendly spells, Professor. And Gilderoy Lockhart's like, ah, yes, yes, quite right. Let's have a volunteer. Let's have them find each other. And teach them nothing. Yeah, they just have them do the exact same thing that Lockhart and Snape just did. And in Snape's defense, he didn't want to step on Gilderoy's toes here. Gilderoy is a teacher, and this is Gilderoy setting this up. He was expecting Gilderoy to teach him all the block spells, but Gilderoy doesn't. But he does intervene to protect Harry when Harry's going to have to fight Ron. He's like, no, that's not safe. Let's have an awful idea. No, that's exactly what I was about to say, is that Snape saw him choose Ron and Harry and was like, Ron is going to murder Harry.

Like, literally. First of all, he's a crazy person. Because Ron is evil. And then second of all, his wand, like, cannot be controlled. And so it's not safe. And so he's like, instead, I'm going to put Draco in, which you might see that as like, oh, because it's his rival. But like, as Eric mentioned, he doesn't really seem to think that highly of Draco, actually. And so he was just like, I'll just put this weak kid. He thinks Draco's a loser. He's like, who's the worst student I have? We'll get to the sixth movie, but he thinks very lowly of Draco. He does not think Draco can do anything. So, yeah, he was just like, I'll just pick someone who will not hurt my son. Harry and Malfoy start dueling. Dude, and what stance do they choose? They choose Snape's stance, of course. Because that's the dueling stance. Even Harry. They don't choose Gilderoy Lockhart's stance. Perfect adaptation from the book when Draco says,

Scared Potter, you wish. And I have to say, I remember when the trailer came out for this movie and they had that scene and I was like, this movie is going to be so epic. And it didn't let you know. And then it was. It was. They start dueling and then Malfoy casts the first small spell. Draco uses Evertestatum, which is probably a knockdown spell. I don't know. Which is why Harry responds by using Rictusempra, which is the tickling spell. But for some reason, it blasts Malfoy as well. It's an angry tickle. It blasts Malfoy off his feet and knocks the wind out of him. Maybe he's laughing so much, the wind blasted him off his feet, and now he cannot breathe. I don't know why I did that. As Malfoy struggles to his feet, Snape grabs him and jerks him around and glares at him. He's mad at Malfoy for cheap-shotting his son like that. He's like, you're supposed to do disarming spells, you jerk.

And so then Malfoy uses Serpent Sortia. When Draco does cast Serpent Sortia, Snape interrupts the duel to come in and help Harry, saying he'll get rid of the snake. Right, yes. And then Gilderoy says, oh, he can do it, and he just, like, flips it in the air, and so he makes it really mad. So the snake is going to attack Justin and Harry interrupts to try to get the snake not to attack Justin using Parseltongue and everyone's very confused, including Snape. And then finally, Snape does exactly what he said he would do and he gets rid of the snake. Snape is such a badass, cool master of magic. Like, of course, only, you know, Snape would know such an amazingly niche spell as Vyperia Evanesca, the snake vanishing. And unfortunately, Gilderoy only knows the Snape levitating spell. Wow, that's a good spot. Snape gets rid of the snake just as promised. And then the scene ends with Justin being like, what are you playing at?

Which maybe makes more sense to British people. That always seemed like a weird response to me. Well, the third and fourth victims were Nearly Headless Nick and Justin Finch Fletchley. This is just a horrible day for Harry. Because first of all, Justin is the one who everyone thinks that he was sending a snake after in the dueling tournament. Second of all, he gets sent to Dumbledore's office where the starting hat immediately tells him that he should definitely be a Slytherin. And third of all, he walks over to Dumbledore's pet bird, which explodes. And then Dumbledore walks in. There's nothing I could do. It's just the worst thing ever for Harry. It's a good scene. And I wish Dumbledore had... If it was Gambon playing Dumbledore in this movie, he would have walked in and been like, Why did you just kill the bird? Dumbledore, did you forget what phoenixes are? I'm just a crazy old man now.

I'm played by a different actor. And I'm going to yell at everyone all the time. Now they're brewing Polyjuice Potion, right? Yes. So they decide that they need to talk to Malfoy, right? Because they think that Malfoy probably knows who is the heir of Slytherin if Malfoy is not the heir himself. So they decide to brew Polyjuice Potion to sneak in to talk to him. So Hermione, for whatever reason, believes that this very weird bundle of short hairs that is clearly not the hair of a human and she got off of millicent bolstrode's robes who presumably millicent has long hair yeah this is not her hair hermione it's like a giant bundle of hair that was on her robe i don't know why she thought that was millicent's hair so they can think of no other way of getting a strand of someone's hair despite hermione already having told them a way than to drug students and knock them out throw them in a broom closet like this

seems a bit extreme well not just drug them like drug them in the dumbest possible way like who would eat cupcakes in the middle of the hallway we gotta describe this we have to describe this thing because i love their reaction to floating cupcakes they're like wow we already have an unconscionable amount of food stored in our arms for no reason but i could really go for a random floating cupcake floating right now like this very instant i will eat it i must consume it the rest of the food we'll save this food let's smile and moan at each other while we awkwardly eat these i love crab and goyle they're so great yep but hey harry and ron got their hair right oh and when they drink the potion i always loved how ron and hermione both take one sip and get sick and harry is just standing like pretty good he goes back for seconds and thirds it's like someone didn't tell his actor how bad he's got a look on his face like hey

maybe the drink actually was pretty good and that was just like his genuine reaction like he doesn't even notice that ron and her mind he both ran away yeah what did you expect pumpkin juice so yeah they turn into so yeah and then they still sound like their selves and ron proceeds to repeat bloody hell in the exact same voice he just is like you need to sound more like crap oh yeah bloody hell yeah they go down to the dungeon they get caught by percy in the movie they never explain why percy was down there no ron asks him and he just says i'm a prefect why are you here which to be fair you're in the dungeons that's where slytherin's like common room is like it makes perfect sense for them to be there unless he's saying why aren't you in bed yet but like they're probably on their way yes it does make a lot more sense for crab and goyle to be down there so around this point i think harry potter finds a notebook in the girl's

lavatory and moaning mortal is of course sad about it because they threw it on her head into her head. Harry finds this blank diary and decides that, hey, it's Ghost Rider time. He drips ink onto this paper and the ink disappears. It sucks it up. And he's like, oh, I can write to this diary. He just jumps to the conclusion that he should introduce himself. So Tom says, let me take you back 50 years ago. This scene is so cool because this is, of course, the scene where they both refuse to tell Dumbledore something important. They both say, no, sir, nothing. When Dumbledore is like, do you have something to tell me? Dumbledore clearly suspects Harry of being the heir of Slytherin. Yes. I have to admire J.K. Rowling and her writing simply due to the sheer amount of like similarities between young Harry Potter and young Voldemort. I think she did an excellent job there. She did an amazing job making these two characters so similar.

They both consider Hogwarts their home. Neither one of them wants to leave. Yeah, and they don't really have any family. Yeah. Also, it is a very good thing that during this flashback, Tom Riddle teaches Harry Potter Eronia XMA. Wow, he loves that spell. It's the most useful spell. What does that spell do? It just blasts spiders. That's the spider-banishing spell. It banishes spiders. That's kind of what I thought. It makes them go away. I was like, maybe it's less specific. Nope, it's the spider-banishing spell. As far as I can tell, this is where Harry learns it. Yeah, I think you're right. This is his second year, and he did not use spells in the first year. So this memory does prove that Hagrid was an acquaintance of Voldemort while he was in school, and Voldemort had blackmail over him, and Hagrid was expelled for keeping dangerous violent monsters at school, right? This solidifies that they have a relationship.

In the flashback, Hagrid is like, Aragog wouldn't hurt nobody, which seems to be what he believes in the future, but it's absolutely not true. If you wanted to argue that Hagrid was evil or perhaps was, you know, friends with Tom Riddle or whatever, that this entire Tom Riddle caught Hagrid story is shown through Tom's memories, it may not even be true, right? Like this could just be some message that he's showing to Harry for the sake of convincing him to go talk to Hagrid, which maybe you'll put him in more danger or whatever it is. Perhaps this was a fabricated story to cover up some of what Hagrid and Tom were actually doing during their time together in Hogwarts. Yeah, they were working together. They were the heirs of Slytherin. anyway in the next scene when they're talking about something mad and harry haggard creeps up behind them saying mad and harry you wouldn't be talking about me would you about me maybe haggard

is the heir of slytherin so he's the one carrying the dead chicken when he comes in to tell dumbledore that harry didn't do it of course he's saying this because he knows that he did it now of course the killing of chickens is supposedly blamed on jenny so that she can write in blood but really it could have been Hagrid we never see Ginny with a dead chicken we see Hagrid with the dead chicken whose blood was used to we see Ginny in a flashback that is told by Tom Riddle as Brita just said those might not necessarily be all that reliable they weren't only used for writing in blood they were also used for feeding the basilisk that's why the entire chamber is full of chicken bones because it's been eating chickens but sorry are you saying that Hagrid is feeding the basilisk Yes, I am. He is the guy who takes care of the animals at Hogwarts. I think that's a pretty... So he's like, well, I know there's an animal that lives in that there chamber of secrets.

And he was working with Tom last time to take care of the basilisk. They were working together. And Tom sold out his accomplice. Are you saying that Ginny never entered the chamber of secrets? We have definitive proof that she did enter it at one point. Except for when Harry found it. Right, right. I don't believe that Ginny was the one doing it. I think that Hagrid was the one doing most of this. So in the very next scene, after Hagrid creeps up behind them as something big in Harry, Harry's room is trashed and the diary is gone. How did Ginny know that Harry had the diary? And why did she tear up his room? Who would have known about the diary in Harry's room? Ginny had no way of knowing. Hagrid was the one walking up right behind them while they were talking about the diary. Like in that scene where he sneaks up behind him, Harry is telling them about the diary and the flashback that he just saw.

Also, apparently, after talking to that diary once, Harry never talked to it again. No, never again. Moaning Myrtle also would have known that he had the diary. That's true, but Moaning Myrtle does not like Ginny. She just threw a book at her. She doesn't know who threw the book at her. One other evil person knew that Harry had the diary, Ron Weasley. I do think that's the actual evidence for how Ginny was supposed to have figured it out, though, is that Ron and Hermione had mentioned it to her. At the end of the scene where he creeps up behind them with flesh-eating slug repellent, he lowers his voice and says, You three had better look after yourselves, all right? Sounds kind of like a threat to me. And right after, he tells Hermione she'd better watch out. Hermione is petrified. That's the very next person who is a victim of the basilisk is Hermione. Someone who he just overheard talking about the diary in the Air of Slytherin.

And he's, you know, he's getting rid of evidence. So Hermione is petrified and the next shot we get is Harry lovingly caressing her and just staying by her side as he loves to do. He's just like petting her hand. But he does this twice where he's just sitting by her side like touching her hand. So they go to Hagrid's hut. He answers the door with a crossbow. They say, what's that for? He says, oh, nothing. I was just expecting. So Hagrid was fully intending to murder the ministry officials who come there to him. The only reason he didn't is because Ron and Harry were there and he was too busy, like, hiding them. Right, yeah. The only reason he doesn't murder them is because he set down his crossbow and he was distracted. He was going to kill Cornelius Fudge. So they ask him, like, did you hear what happened to Hermione? And he says, oh, yeah, I heard about that, all right. Because he did it.

But, like, also, even in a world where you don't think he did it, like, that is such a callous response to these three children that are supposedly friends with him that he's, like, has a pretty deep relationship with. He knows they have a deep relationship with each other. two of them say our third friend is you know petrified maybe gonna die and he's just like yeah yep heard about that like i know he's supposed to be worried about his own fate but come on ron and harry pointedly ask him if he knows who opened the chamber of secrets now if we are to believe this story as the way it is told to us the correct answer to that question is no but instead he says now you see what you have to understand about that is and then courtney lias fuck shows up i assume what he was gonna say what he was going to say is what you have to understand about that is i didn't open it i just raised a spider he could have just said no yeah i think he was

gonna say like you have to understand about that is they i think what he's saying what you have to understand about that it was me and tom working together why would he tell them that no no he's not gonna say that but like like he has to think of something on the fly because he knows in his mind the correct answer is me and tom are working together to kill some students because we're both evil. And he's like, well, you have to understand about that. You see, it wasn't me. It wasn't Tom. It wasn't anyone. There is no heiress. So are you saying that Hagrid is a parcel tongue? I don't know if Hagrid is a parcel tongue. He may not be. But I do know that of the non-parcel tongues at this school who know how to train and communicate with animals, Hagrid is the most qualified to do that so just to clarify in your theory during the same year that he and tom riddle decided to open the chamber of secrets maybe working together he also just randomly side

quest adopted a spider that was terrified of basilisk that's exactly what hagrid would do yeah to be fair that's what he does every year he was conspiring with quirrell to do whatever he randomly just like was like hey quirrell could you get me a dragon egg i really liked one has nothing to do with anything he wasn't just conspiring with quirl but he was conspiring with tom riddle i was like oh yeah i'll deliver harry to you in the black forest but you know i really like a dragon you know what we really do best together we raise dangerous animals don't you remember 50 years ago we raised that spider together and you sold me out they may have agreed to that and especially if we're if we're assuming that uh dumbledore is also kind of in league with him because he did protect Hagrid after all this they may have just been like hey this is probably the simplest solution like Tom really doesn't want Hogwarts

to get closed down because he doesn't want to go back to the orphanage so he's like let's just end everything so why did he do that yeah I don't know when they are going to take him away and take Dumbledore away he threatens them he's like you take Professor Dumbledore away and the Muggleborns won't stand a chance you mark my words there'll be killings next question are there any more petrifications after they take Hagrid away no no the next thing that happens is that the monster takes a student directly into its lair right why would it do that so then Tom Riddle in the book finally has power enough that he can take over Ginny etc he doesn't have to rely on his accomplice Hagrid anymore and he takes Ginny down into the basement or dungeon whatever and uh anyway all I'm saying is that up until this point I believe Hagrid actually was the heir of Slytherin he was in 50 years ago as well and when they take him away the students stop getting petrified and

regardless of whether he's the heir of Slytherin or not it's still a really bad move to send those kids to those evil evil spiders right yeah I know geez Hagrid but he's immediately making good on his promise of there will be killings next he knows he won't be there to kill anyone but he can send two kids to their death when Hagrid leaves he says someone will have to feed Fang now i believe these spiders will not attack fang either and what he meant was fang will eat your bodies along with they're gonna have a nice thing in spider face he wasn't implying they need to go feed fang so he sends them they deal with aragog aragog confirms hagrid's alibi so the only people we've had confirm the alibi are tom riddle who we definitely don't trust right and aragog who is a spider that we know is unflinchingly loyal to Hagrid. Like, this spider will do anything Hagrid asks except not kill people.

So basically, Hagrid has filled the Forbidden Forest to the brim with an army of murderous giant spiders who only obey him. They will not hurt him, but they will kill anyone else. And Hagrid did this on their army of the night. Can the spiders reproduce asexually? Like, how are there so many spiders from just the one spider? So Aragog is female and he's already pregnant. Okay, but he got him from an egg, didn't he? Yeah, I thought he got him from an egg. It's an immaculate conception. Hagrid got him pregnant. Ew, no, stop. That's where he got those flesh-eating slugs. No. It is an STD. Oh, no. Please don't put that in the episode.

That is a good payoff. Nice callback. Okay, so back to the romance. Harry brings Hermione fresh flowers. Yeah, wow, Harry and Hermione. He does. And then he caresses her hand. And then he sits there and caresses her hand. And tells her how much he needs her. Hermione, we need you now more than ever. And Ron just stares blankly. Like Ron has no expression. He's just standing there. And this is, of course, when he finds Malfoy, who must have come in and caressed her hands earlier and put the page in her hand that he knew was going to be useful way back at the beginning of the year i've heard is not that he put it in petrified hermione's hand he did he left it out for her she had been studying in the libraries and she found it and that's why she wrote pipes and she knew to put the mirror because they should know her handwriting she does homework for them a lot you have to understand ron and harry aren't very observant

they're also not yeah it's possible he put it in her hand there i think it's nice to think that she did figure it out and also if she didn't figure it out that it would be very confusing to her at the end when they're like we had loads of help from you you helped them no but remember Hermione always wants to be the best right she's like I fought the troll all by myself Ginny goes down to the chamber of secrets Gilderoy Lockhart is sent to take care of it the teachers apparently do not care like because that is all they do is send Gilderoy Lockhart to take care of it I mean McGonagall has said the whole school has been searched multiple times and no evidence of this chamber has ever been found so apparently the teachers have given up like they don't believe it's possible to find this right and so they're just like jenny's dead honestly gilderoy lockhart is right he should not be pressured by the other teachers to go and risk

his life here yes everyone should leave and i but i do kind of think that's what the teachers were going to do like i think they were just like frustrated in the situation and were just like go do whatever you want lockhart and we're gonna have to close down the school yeah so they took a time out to just mess with him they're gonna pull him a little bit to be fair it was snake who did it yeah why why do harry and ron bring lockhart with them better you than us that's a good point just a bit of evidence that it could have been hagrid who was the heir of slytherin moting myrtle did not see who killed her back in the day she heard it was a boy's voice and she describes him speaking in a sort of made-up language now i've heard parcel tongue I would not describe that as a sort of made-up language. I would describe that as someone hissing. It does not sound like a language. So you think Hagrid just came in there with his thick accent.

It was like, oh, we're doing all right, we're doing all right. Today I'll go to Greg and all that. Oh, you bloody basilisk, kill little girl.

Wait, so he was ordering the basilisk to do it in English? And she was just like, huh? What kind of weird made-up language is that?

I don't know if this is great evidence. And then Harry proves he could have been the heir of Slytherin when he actually does open the Chamber of Secrets. For all we know, you could be. The only confirmed opening of the Chamber of Secrets that we have in this year is when Harry opens it. But it had to have opened before that because Ginny's in it. Well, I guess. But the Basilisk doesn't need the Chamber to be open. No, it travels with the pipes. It travels through the pipes. But Ginny does. She's not Mario. She can't travel through pipes. Hogwarts has insanely big pipes. For apparently no reason if they didn't have plumbing. Yeah. No, it's because they need to carry basilisks. Yeah, so I was like, oh man, where am I going to put this? Got to make some really big pipes. So in the Chamber of Secrets, there is a nice convenient rock slide separating Ron and Harry. I think maybe Ron caused this rock slide.

He's like, it's too dangerous down here. Ron literally caused that rock slide. It was his wand. Yeah. He did that in the first movie when he knocked himself out for the final fight. It's his M.O. Harry Potter meets Tom Riddle. Tom Riddle's actor is amazing. Yeah, he's great. I just love it. His performance is very subdued. He takes the wand and he's like, you won't be needing it in this kind of soft voice. But it's also like so creepy, even though it's soft. It's just crazy because it's the exact opposite of the Voldemort actor, who is unbelievably flamboyant in every way. He's like over the top and weird. Well, this is, you know, meek, shy, lived in an orphanage, Tom. Later, he gets more flamboyant. I also love that actor. I think one of the best things they did there, too, is that I think Tom was described as being fairly handsome when he was young, and then he turned into a weird snake man.

And I think they picked a very handsome actor. He's really awesome. He's great. I kind of wish he was just Voldemort through the whole series. Well, he was too young. I love Harry killing Tom by destroying the book with the basilisk fang. That is so good. I love the ink spurting out everywhere. I love Tom Riddle's acting here. Yeah, Tom Riddle's acting is he's like, oh, you can't do anything. And then he stabs the book and he's like, no, wait, not that. He's like, wait, what? You can do something. And as it turns out, I mean, as always, Harry is extremely lucky that he happened to have basilisk venom because, like, nothing else would destroy a horcrux. Yeah, they're very difficult to destroy. The whole movie is about showing loyalty and faith to Dumbledore. Harry needed to show the requisite amount of fealty to Dumbledore before Fox would save him. Fox did not come in there, even though he could have, until Harry said,

Dumbledore will never be gone as long as those who remain are loyal to him. Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world. Like, says who? What has Dumbledore ever done that you've seen, Harry? It's only at that point that Fox comes in and saves him. Why would Fox bring him the sorting hat? And why was the sword of Godric Gryffindor inside of the sorting hat? How did Fox get into the chamber? Well, what it proves is Dumbledore always knew where the chamber was and how to get into it. And he wasn't stopping the killings just because he didn't want to. He didn't care. Like, if Fox can get down there, then Dumbledore knows how to get down there. Yeah. It's really lucky for Harry that this deus ex phoenix showed up to save the day four times. It came in, it gave him the hat and sword, it clawed out the basilisk's eyes. And then when he died anyway, despite all that, it cried on his arm to heal him.

And then when even after having saved him those three times, they couldn't get out. It was like, OK, I will carry everyone out of this chamber to safety. But also in that scene, Gilderoy Lockhart says, this is just like magic, Bringing just so many questions about what that Obliviate charm actually did to his memory. Right, because magic would be so ingrained into everything. He grew up as a wizard, right? Like, if he knows how to speak, he should know what magic is. Or even if he knows what magic is, he should know it's real, right?

I'm moving out of the chamber. Dumbledore details why Harry Potter and Ron deserved to be expelled for breaking so many school rules. Ooh, I love this part. And then says, that is why they're getting special, special awards for service to the school. Also, specifically the exact same name as the award that they gave to Tom Riddle. Dumbledore knew, especially at this point, if they're going with Harry's story, Dumbledore knows that Tom Riddle did no service to the school. That he was supposedly the one who unleashed the basilisk. And they've kept that award up ever since, even though Tom turned into Voldemort. This is an award that Dumbledore made up to encourage rule breakers. He's teaching them that you can do anything you want as long as you're loyal to me. He's saying, you can break all the rules. You can do things worth getting expelled. If you're loyal to me, you'll be awarded for it.

You can murder Myrtle. Oh, Myrtle, murder Myrtle. At the end of the scene, after Lucius leaves, Dumbledore says, I sense that something is troubling you to Harry. And I really wish he had said, no, sir, nothing.

He's like, are you going to open this chamber of secrets again? I love the scene after this where Hermione comes back and Ron's head pops out. Then Harry's head pops out to block Ron's head. And he looks so much more excited, too. It's Hermione! And when she hugs Harry, she won't hug Ron. Like, she specifically won't hug him. She shakes his hand. She knows something's up. Yeah. So, yeah, this movie ends with a weird moment between Harry and Hagrid where there's no Hogwarts without you, Hagrid. But it's like, why was Hagrid the point of this movie, apparently? Like, why is this the end? Hagrid was also the end of the first movie, weirdly enough. Hagrid's really important. So, according to the after the credits scene, apparently brainwashed Lockhart is still very successfully writing novels. He's prominently displayed at Flourish and Blots. His latest book is titled Who Am I? by Gilderoy Lockhart.

He's a very skilled author. With a picture of him looking confused in a straitjacket. Whatever happens to him, he'll capitalize on it. He's got good business sense, I guess. All right, well, I think that's everything I have for this movie. To sum it up, I think there was solid evidence that Snape at least cares for Harry in this movie. Maybe not quite that he's his father yet, but we're getting there. I think there is incredibly solid evidence that Dumbledore is a dark wizard and is architecting his own army entirely made of loyal students. And it's worth pointing out that historically, in the real world, it's been shown that that's the time to get people to be very, very loyal to you when they're kids i think as far as ron being evil and imperiousing hermione yet um not so much evidence here just a little bit showing that he's maybe not the best guy um he doesn't have a strong connection with her mind which granted could change later but yeah hagrid being a death eater

we've definitely shown that he has a sketchy character once again he also has an army of evil spiders that's true that will do whatever he says did hagrid's open the chamber of secrets was he the heir of slytherin i don't know you kind of lost me on that one he's a death eater circumstantial evidence but i didn't find anything like really solid for that one that like i just i know i think trying to prove that one hurts the rest of our theories because it's so far out but yeah no i think a really good harry potter movie probably my favorite harry potter movie definitely my favorite what do you guys great we love it very fun to talk about watch it for thanksgiving if this comes out before Thanksgiving and if it comes out after then for Christmas watch it watch it after Thanksgiving you can follow us on Twitter at popcorn isn't real music for this episode was provided by Christine leave us a review if you like us that would be awesome until next time

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